First date weirdness that awkward silence

First dates for some can be intimidating and stressful. Often, one’s mind and emotions are overcome with insecurities and fears.

Conversation normally is a big factor for a positive date outcome as well as a great influence on the failure of your date.

Carrying a conversation during a first date can become difficult and uneasy at times, since you hardly know the individual you are dating (specially on a blind date), making it hard to open up and think of a certain topic to talk about and with slight tension and nervousness, things can be really awkward.

On dates, usually a person is scared of rejection and failure; thus is nervous and conscious on what to say. It has to be the right things; sparking his/her interests as the wrong words may either injure your date’s feelings or make the conversation boring. This is because usually one is very concerned about one’s impression that he/she is able to convey to his/her date.

One’s apprehensions can lead to damaging results, usually paralyzing one’s thoughts and emotions, thus inhibiting one’s capability to behave confidently and normally like one would do when he is in the company of family and friends.

As a result, one ends up in a very humiliating and embarrassing situation, which one describes in dating as "awkward silence".

Almost everyone is capable of carrying on an effortless, enjoyable and easy going conversation with individuals they are familiar with and therefore having the proper approach, so one can do it with the girl/guy on one’s first date.

One solution here is to think ahead of time the things that you can open up or topics that can start a good conversation; ask a common friend of his/her interest, hobbies, sports, career, etc.

Another solution is to relax and be yourself; never pretend to be somebody that you are not. Keep in mind that it’s no use when your date will like for putting up a front; it will be a great feeling to know that your date liked you for what you are.

Never brag, talking constantly of your awards and accomplishments as this would only set arrogant impression on you. Keep your conversation as simple as possible keeping away discussions about politics or religion.

Also, do not intrude or ask personal questions; whatever your date wants to relate to you, he/she will tell you on his/her own. Never too, talk about your experience about past relationships, as this will make your date feel uneasy. Making your date feel at ease with your conversations, for sure there will be a second time around for both of you.

Let your date talk and you have to listen well, as this will allow you to collect ideas of the things that interest your date and make these as topics for your conversation as well as be acquainted with your date much better. Furthermore, being a great listener is one positive feature that any ideal date can possess.

Take note that most often than not, people are tempted or even talk about their life story. Be careful, as this might only bore your date. Instead, loosen up and select an easy topic or general things such as movies, food, or anything that is of interest to your date. Or be funny and joke a little, you do not need to be all that formal.

Basically, when you are listening well to your date, you’ll know what you both have in common, so talk about that, so you can develop a good bond.

Do not let the “awkward silences” worry you, at some point those silences will come, but know that as they embarrass you, they also embarrass your date. Awkward silences are never a basis for you to conclude that your date is not interested in you; he/she just might be in a similar situation as you.

Relax and be yourself. When “silence” do come, break it with a joke, a compliment or a question and remember to be honest; let your date know how nervous you are (when you are). Letting your date know how to feel on this first date will take away the tension on he/she is feeling and will make him/her comfortable and can handle the situation better.

Never get married because you re in love

I’ll repeat that. Never get married because you’re in love.

Sounds crazy?

It’s not.

Let me tell you why.

Ever been to a single’s bar? Mosey on over to the one nearest you and watch what happens. When a man approaches a woman in a singles’ bar – or a woman approaches a man – they each know exactly one thing about the other: how they look. She’s attracted to him, he’s attracted to her. And that physical chemistry forms the basis of whatever relationship may or may not develop. Now, they may think they’re in love. But in fact, they are simply infatuated with each other.

Here’s one to remember: Chemistry ignites the fire, but character keeps it burning. Chemistry – physical attraction – is not something to be ignored. But a deeply loving relationship based on mutual respect cannot stand on chemistry alone. That can only happen with someone whose character you can value and appreciate.

The best way (actually, the only way) to have a lasting relationship is to really look at the quality of the person you’re dating. That means being on the lookout for specific character traits, both positive and negative. The top four qualities to look for are humility, kindness, responsibility and happiness.

Humility. What is humility? Well, it is not being a doormat. Letting people walk all over you is not necessarily a sign of humility. It’s a sign of weakness.

Humble people are not weak. Humble people want to do the right thing rather than their thing, and that takes a lot of confidence and inner strength.

Someone who is humble will put values above convenience.

They can accept criticism without being defensive, because they’re committed to personal growth rather than to comfort.

A humble person will not get angry easily, because they don’t feel that anybody owes them anything. That’s the reason they also tend not to be materialistic.

Now, you may think that the above description applies only to angels. And it would be a mistake to narrow your search down to someone who has mastered all of the above qualities that go along with humility. Nobody’s perfect. But you should look for someone who values humility and is striving to achieve it. At the very least, ask yourself if the person you’re dating is arrogant. You definitely do not want to marry an arrogant person who feels that people owe him or her the world.

Kindness. Kindness is more than just being a nice person. If you ask most engaged couples if their intended spouse is kind, they’ll probably say yes. But the divorce rate is over 50%. If everybody is so kind, then why is the divorce rate so high? Because although people think that they’re kind, they really lack a depth of kindness.

So, what’s kindness? Being a kind person means being a giver, someone who’s committed to giving pleasure and minimizing other people's pain. If two people like this get married, they are much less likely to suffer serious problems in their relationship. That’s because each one is dedicated to the other’s well-being.

How do you know if someone is truly a kind person? Look at how they treat the other people in their lives. How do they treat their parents, siblings and grandparents? Do they feel a sense of gratitude to their parents? If not, what makes you think they’ll feel any sort of gratitude towards you after you’re married?

Watch how they treat the "little people" towards whom they have no obligations – waiters, busboys, doormen, secretaries. How do they treat their employees? What’s their business reputation like? Are they ruthless?

Does the person you’re dating do volunteer work? If not, do they give charity? If the answer to both questions is no, that isn't a good sign.

Do they drive courteously? What happens when they drink, when they lose control a little bit? How do they act?

Take note of the answers to these questions. Write them down so that you’ll have a whole picture in front of you when you need to make a decision about whether or not to continue a relationship.

Responsibility. First thing, ask yourself: Is this person irresponsible? If the answer is yes, be careful. You do not want to marry an irresponsible person. If your first, off the cuff answer is no, then check them out.

Do they have a stable work history? Do they have stable friendships? Do they have long-term friendships, or do they need to move around a lot?

Ask yourself: Can you rely on this person? Do you feel safe and secure with them? Another good question is to ask yourself is if you can trust what the other person says. Do they stand behind what they say? Do they live up to their commitments?

Happiness. You might be stumped on that one. Since when is happiness a character trait?

That all depends on how you define happiness. A happy person is someone who is basically content, who focuses on what they have, not on what they don’t have.

Life has no guarantees. Anyone can be dealt a hard blow. But a person who is internally happy will be able to get past life’s obstacles, whereas someone who is constantly focused on the negative will have a much harder time. And you want to be married to someone who can smile at life.

So remember: Never get married just because you’re in love - focus on character, not on chemistry. Look for a quality person to share your life with, someone humble, kind, responsible and happy. You deserve no less!

Online dating services advantages

Tired of the cattle call down at the local bar? Are those supposed “happy hours” enough to make you need to go into therapy? Have you all but given up on finding anyone to date? Then you, my friend, are ready to sign up for an online dating service membership.

Not only does an online dating service offer you the chance to connect with lots of singles that you wouldn’t mind being seen in public with, but that you might also someday be willing to take home to meet Mom. An online dating service definitely expands your dating options and for a fraction of what you’re paying for all those drinks and dry cleaning bills from all those drinks spilled on you costs.

If that isn’t reason enough to move your mouse over to the sign up page of an online dating service, then it may help that online dating services provide you with the opportunity to search for dates anonymously. You don’t have to post a picture of yourself or provide any personal information. This lets you meet people in a totally safe way and puts you in charge of when, and if, you divulge your identity. You can get to know someone first, before deciding whether to show off your gorgeous self or give them your real name.

And now, let’s talk choices. Unless you’re in a large city where there are lots of cool people just like you or that you’d be interested in going out with, your choices for dates may just be a little on the low side. It may be so bad that you’re in the negative figures when it comes to dating choices. Well, you won’t have that problem when you’re a member of an online dating site. Plus you’re not stuck with people just in your area, but you have choices all over the world, people who are looking for long-lasting relationships, just like you.

An online dating service also allows you to be totally secure while making your connections. If anyone ever starts to harass you, make you uncomfortable, or heaven forbid, threatens you, you can report them to the online dating service and likely that person’s membership will be revoked. At the very least, the dating service will block that person from contacting you. If only you could do that with that cretin you knew back in the sixth grade who just will not stop calling you!

Are you in love

So you think that you are in love. Are you sure? How? Why do you think that you are in love? Why do you think that it is not temporary attraction? Why do you think that you both are destined to grow old together? Let us try and find out.

Do you feel happy with your beloved? Do you feel that if you both were left alone on an island for seven days, you would enjoy it? Or you will get bored? How about your self esteem? Does your beloved make you feel good about yourself? Is his/her focus on your good qualities or sometimes faults? What about you? Are you looking for some signs of weaknesses in certain areas, or are contented and satisfied with the whole package?

Love is different than any other relationship and has its own measures. It goes beyond friendship and one has to ask questions to find out if it is love and nothing else. Coming back to our inquiry, what if your beloved gets you some clothes? Will you be delighted and wear immediately, or will you try to look at it critically to find out how you will look in that particular piece of clothing?

Do you smile at the thought of your beloved? Get dreamy? Want to share everything good? Say, you see something good, or complete a some work very satisfactorily, will you immediately tell your beloved about that? Will you impatiently wait to share that?

Do you ever compare him/her with others? Give a second look to someone of opposite sex? No? What if the person is stunning in looks? Would you still rather never think of giving a second look and continue with the thoughts of your beloved? What if you go to a movie together? Will you try to look at each other in the darkness or rather watch the movie? Do you watch the movie at all while you are together?

Are you planning of the future together? Having children, a new home, new life, etc? Do you talk about how you both would like to spend your old age together? Have you also thought about the career options after marriage?

If your answers to all above queries is in positive, you need to look at the relationship seriously. Because you are in love!

Love is difficult to find out. Many times, we feel that we are in love, only to find out afterwards that it was not love. It is better to make sure that it is love before committing. Wish you all the best.

Do you want to be a friend or a date

First of all, let's define "friend".

Do we want to find an "old" friend?

Lots of websites specialize in helping you find an "old" existing Friend.

These sites are called "classmates", "reunions", "public records" or names along the lines of trying to find acquaintances from way back, from school, the Service or previous jobs.

Do we want to find "people"?

We can use "publicbackgroundcheck", "usa-people-search", "peoplefinders" types of sites for finding people.

If, however, we are looking for love and are calling it friendship initially then things get really complicated.

For the word "friendship" the Web comes up with 46,100,000 replies.

So we should be more specific about what exactly the "friend" word means. "a person you know well and regard with affection and trust; "he was my best friend at the university" ally: an associate who provides assistance; "he's a good ally in fight"; "they were friends of the workers" acquaintance: a person with whom you are acquainted; "I have trouble remembering the names of all my acquaintances"; "we are friends of the family" supporter: a person who backs a politician or a team etc.; "all their supporters came out for the game"; "they are friends of the library" a member of the Religious Society of Friends founded by George Fox (the Friends have never called themselves Quakers) "

wordnet. princeton. edu/perl/webwn

We can now of course rank friends: good friends, intimate friends, family friends ad infinitum. When we then continue to talk about "friends" and "friendship" we soon start approaching the decision we have to make; do we just want to be penpals or do we want to meet face to face at some point in time.

This brings us to the dangerous word: DATING.

Yes, we have now convinced ourselves that we want to date somebody.

Just on the Web or for real? We can now play games based on the fact that most people trying to find dates on the Web are married. Does that surprise you? Given the anonymity of the Web it is very likely that if I am fat and ugly I don't want to emphasize this fact when I try to attract a date, so temptation is very great to embellish things a bit and to say in my description that I am "Voluptuous" and "Attractive".

Who knows, in all likelihood I will never meet this person anyway and this is only fantasy. Guess what? I now start corresponding in earnest on the Web with this person I know nothing about. I tell this person all my deepest secrets, except the fact that I am ugly and fat. After doing this for a while my "Date" says that we should meet in person, because it seems we are really compatible.

YEEKS! What now? Well, you brought this on yourself and you have these options:

1. Go on a crash diet and get a face lift.

2. Forget about this person and try again with a new date.

3. Hope your Date is fat and ugly too so you should take a chance and meet anyway. (This takes a lot of courage).

4. Hope your Date is pretty or attractive and VERY understanding and will accept you the way you are. (Fat chance).

So, anyway, there you have it, some of the possibilities you have when you want a Friend.

One thing you should pick up from this : you are probably better off if you are honest to your future friend or date; it may prevent depression, bouts of overeating and Internet Withdrawal Symptoms.